Ghosts by the Sea
tags: [journal]
NOTE: This refers to 2024-06-16, and partially written then.
Today, it was her birthday, but I wasn’t thinking of her. For some dark and ironic cosmical reason, we went to this beach whence I’d never expected to have come without this woman from my past. She was beautiful for me, a kinder soul in a very harsh world for my teenage self.
My days spent in agony, amidst a troublesome academic journey, would be made bearable by her. We didn’t go our own ways in the most reasonable or proper terms. I thought I’d have surpassed that part of my life, yet today, watching those waves coming, her phone number appeared in my mind, as it was burnt there since I got it.
Note: Written on 2024-07-12
I was worthless, a Judas, and at the very least unreasonable. Fantasy took a hold of my desperate mind. Whence 2 + 2 = 5, and all you see are trees in a dark forest, you are both your jail and jailer, and to break out is to either to die, or to survive until a better day. Life’s hard, and not for the weak minded, as those only survive.
The beach was beautiful though, and the never ending romantic within yearns for such life. A life with different tint to it, without the constant buzz of deadlines and somewhere to be or to go to. A place where and when all is calm, and one can go about one’s pleasures in Eden, which any sane man would recognize for what it is. It’s nothing but a fable, and practically the worst kind of hell anyone could live.
Whatever got hold of my mind is my biggest challenge, as I settle down, my whole being screams to run and catch the first train to somewhere I’ve never been. This somewhere, where nobody knows your name, you can be anyone and everyone you wish, as long you are capable of making it so. There were never those who made it, but looking at the sea I also was remembered of one who almost did. A curious man, a vagrant, who went wherever the cheapest flight was for, and that to this day I’m not sure of any single word he spoke.