Imposter syndrome
tags: [journal]
It has been a testing time. At every corner, self doubt crashes like tsunami waves. A series of failures makes you doubt completely about the ability to do just about anything. Frying an egg or washing the dishes appears an untenable goal.
Even had to look up ‘syndrome’.
I wasn’t sure how to spell it.
My mind has been filled up with this. It’s taxing, and it makes scarce the energy to tackle life’s challenges. Some years appear to have been easier, but it’s probably just hindsight.
Maybe it’s age, and that’s the joke. Nearing my twenty-ninth birthday, a career of ten years, and I mumble as a fool. A fool who appears to barely have written a “hello, world” in his life.
Maybe it’s just drama, but who knows? God, Jesus, the priest or some other entity more capable on the patterns of life. On patterns, a small ego boost arrived from being able to start noticing some again.
Twenty questions games are always fun, when you’re drunk, and you need to dissect a person’s reactions.
Anyhow, I’ve been feeling a lot like an Imposter lately, yet it just might be the untameable obsession with mortality. It floats in the air, and makes it thick and hard to breath.